regardless, not much has changed in terms of myself. of course, old habits die hard. a year doesn’t change someone to be a completely different person.

we’re now in the midst of renovating my house. the one we bought from ma’am. we’re investing a LOT of money in that house for the house loan and also the costs of renovation. since it is an old house, it started out small and then being added here and there without proper planning. now, i have to think of a way to make it proper yet functional for our everyday use.

there’s not a section in the house not being touched, a lot of walls being torn down and replaced by new walls to change a room’s function. dining room to bedroom. bath to walkway. store to maid’s room. and so on.. so u can imagine how much money we have to fork out to settle the renovation works. almost 200k!! byknya duit aku.. itu pun tak termasuk lagi my brand new bed and mattress.. plus rozel leather sofas.. but seriously, building a modern home is no cheap. u gotta have alarm system, cctv, pest control. and everytime we add a new scope with the contractor, semua costnye ribu2 saja…

so much heartache nak renovate rumah ni. kena tengok selalu, make sure apa yg contractor buat tu betul. the completion date is supposed to be 19th of april. so, i’m just praying and hoping that it will not turn out to be a projek sakit..huhu..

kan senang beli rumah dah siap je…it’s no use regretting but sometimes that’s what my heart keeps on saying…

Regardless, life is about being thankful and grateful for what we have. i can’t compare with people who’s happier, or healthier, or wealthier, but…i need to compare with people who are less fortunate than myself…

so, i want to be more positive, and also try to make myself happier. so far, it’s been hard to be happy. but i think i’m improving this past few days. it’s a good sign approaching the new year.

one apparent factor that contributes to my unhappiness is the fact that i don’t have any friends. even just gossip girls would be so nice…not that i have any gossips. but just to hang out while seeping my fave ice-blended choc or ice blended banana caramel once in awhile is a great therapy…looks like i have to join lonely-anonymous group soon…

but let’s not dwell on it. let’s continue work and pray for the best in 2010…wish me luck.

P/S: my best friends, i miss you guys…

and also there is no clear picture on job description. on what level should i stop delegating. the problem with delegation of work is that more often than not, it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to be. of course if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself, tapi larat ke nak buat semua kerja.

when i observe other colleagues, or my ex-bosses, they often delegate most of the work to the desk officers, hence making all the work cram in the desk of the officer, literally!! so, i like to reserve the most difficult task to do myself. but this has two main effects, one is denying the chance for the desk officer to learn, and second is that the officer becomes too dependent on me, the boss.

when i was a desk officer, i always do my work independently, ie. always trying to manage everything without going to my bosses. that and the fact that i was an egoistic person, always wanting to show that i can do it myself. but now, i always prefer to refer to my boss, since i’ve learnt that he has different approach as i do, so i might as well follow his approach, else i need to re-do everything twice. and also i notice that lately i’ve lost the ability to make good judgement and also to make good decision. now, actually decision-making is a very important criteria of a good manager. no decision is a bad decision. it’s better to make a bad one, than not making one at all.

that’s why lately i’ve been contemplating on furthering my studies. according to my ex-boss cum my colleague, by going for further studies, it opens our mind to new perspective and really helps in givng new ideas useful in our job.

so i guess, i’m applying for that study grant this year. not guaranteed that i will get it, since they say that the list is ready even before the interview! *gasp* that’s what they say. but we don’t know for sure, so there is no harm in trying. kalau ada rezeki dapatlah. one other problem, i still don’t know how to do the proposal paper. haiyaa…camanelah nak buat master ni, buat paper pun tak reti…

my stress is causing me to feel as if my health is deteriorating. i’m beginning to feel chest pain, short of breath, headache, sakit tengkuk. angin jgn cerita, mmg makin byk.

and when i feel sick, i feel like i’m dying. yeah, i’m that chronic!