I love the morning traffic during school holidays. I usually arrive in the ofis rite b4 8am. Itupun kena drive mcm org gila.. But today, I managed to arrive at 7.40am. And I was driving slow and steady. So, tomoro I’m gonna go out a bit late. No need to rush.

Every morning I need to send Luqman to school first. So from the minute I wear my tudung to the time I actually go out of the door, he would be whining constantly, afraid that he would be left at home. Selagi tak didukung, selagi tu lah merengek-rengek. Ngan opah pun tak layan. Padahal selalu best fren ngan opah.. Pelik betul, apa yg best sgt gi sekolah tu. Maybe bcos thare are many kids running around that he enjoys seeing. As if he can join them. I can’t wait for him to walk. During the weekend, he already learn to stand up without hanging on to anything. And he already took one, two steps forward. And that’s all, then he would sit down. Hehehe…

I’m coping very well even without maid. Sometimes I wonder, do we really need a maid after all. But it would be nice to be able to go out with hubby, just the two of us once in a while. Before we send the maid back, we grabbed the opportunity to watch a movie. It’s nice cos it has been such a loong time. The last time we went out for a movie was when i was pregnant. Or was it even before that?? Hmm..that shows how long it has been. We watched Punisher…full of violence..yet, I still watched thru my fingers. Aahh…now I remember the last movie we watched, it was Harry Potter, the last of the sequel. And guess what, hubby slept halfway thru! So now, I follow his choice of movies, instead of mine. I can always wait till my Broinlaw buy the DVD and then borrow it from him whenever there is a movie that I wanna watch. Nevertheless, life is hectic now since my baby is so manjaaa that he wants to be with me ALL THE TIME!!! Nak didukung je 24 jam…letak kejap pun dah nangis mcm kena pukul. But I guess that is common single-child-syndrome. So, masa solat mmg dia dok nangis je dlm playpen which is placed just beside me. When I stand up, he’ll cry standing up, and when I sit down and sujud, he’ll also sit down…still crying at my ear.. Nak gelak pun ade. Sudahnya, tak khusyuk solat. Luqman…Luqman…nape lah manja sangat. Nasib baik comel…

The 6th of March is coming, and I don’t think I’ll submit my application. I mean, I don’t think I’m ready to make that kind of commitment. Mentally, especially. Oh come on, I don’t even know what field I’m gonna take. That means, I still don’t know my passion and I don’t wanna end up doing something I don’t like, cos I know I’m not gonna do well in it. So, maybe I’ll end being normal people, no master, no PhD whatsoever… Hubby and I discussed about this. He’s not against me furthering my studies, but he has decided not to further his. Considering the pros and cons, furthering his studies is such a big decision, and tough too.Imagine 4 years down the drain if suddenly he fails. I know he won’t, but will I be supportive enough for him..

Nway, on a different note..a friend of mine introduced me to the websites of secondhand bargains. And they’re such GREAT bargains!! U can get branded baby and children stuff at affordable prices. Not that we can’t afford the actual price, but to waste ur money for something used for a few months? I say better we use it for something else. Plus, we are such suckers for cheap and branded stuff…hahaha!! Cheapskates!! I’ve got my eyes on some strollers but I’ve yet to order, but I gotta hurry b4 others get it first. The brands are Aprica, Combi and even McLaren only at rm2++. It is such a pity that I don’t know about this sooner…

Gotta continue working…don’t know when my Dr. boss gonna pop in again. He already did this morning and start posting me a few PhD-like questions, those that require deep thots and some analytical thinking b4 u start attempting to answer. Altho u think the question is quite straight forward, he would start looking at it from a different view that u don’t even think is relevant or reflect the first question…Argghh…I can’t let my mind be as complex..or I’ll go crazy… And that’s why I can’t do Master nor PhD..yet. It will be a torture to my simplistic mind…

akim is kak ja’s only son while ana is kak dah’s 1st daughter. their bday’s fall on the same date, 4th june. ana is 15 while akim is 5 this year. y’day we went to kl cos kak ja is having a joint birthday party for akim and ana. family only, which means our side of the family only. last year it was only kak dah and kak na. but this year i was excited to join their fun. it was not a big deal to them cos they always meet up every now and then, they’re all staying nearby in bangi and kajang area. but it is definitely a big deal to me cos i’m the only sister who’s staying faraway. and they are also excited to see Luqman.

what is a bday party without lotsa food and cake, rite? we had secret recipe’s banana choc cake with power ranger pic on top, kak na’s home baked cheese cake, nasi ayam, mac and cheese, macaroni goreng, popia. i was too tired to enjoy the food cos i didn’t get much sleep the nite before. and it was hot after afternoon rain. we stayed for a while since the visit to coop’s place was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. but i really hope she’ll make it to ipoh next sat cos i really miss her. as i told u, i got u a book!!

today is a sunday, but feels more like a weekday cos hubby is working in his bro’s clinic. which means, he’ll only be back at nite. but i’m ok. i refuse to let my mood be affected by things that don’t happen my way. redha is a concept that must be grasped by all Muslims cos it is one of our rukun iman. things don’t happen the way we want it. so we have to be able to accept it the best way possible. there is alot that i wanna elaborate on redha alone, but i’ll do it next time.

tomorrow i’ll start sending Luqman to the nursery for the first time. but i’ll be around to observe the workers. in case, they need me. in case, Luqman is crying nonstop cos he misses his mama. in case i’m crying cos i miss him…

then, on tuesday i’ll start preparing for my big day at work. there are lotsa stuff to do this week. facial, haircut, shoe hunting, shopping for baju raya, shopping for Luqman’s clothes. oh, did i mention that i got a new salary? it was supposed to start in january, but i only received the extra amount this month for the last 5 months!! hehe…hence the shopping. but i still got some debts with my credit cards hopefully paid by the end of next month. huh..the debts are like never ending. finally, i can do some real savings!!

I’m sure it’s pretty obvious that by now i would have delivered already. unless, i’m suffering from very rare post term pregnancy.

Alhamdulillah, i have a boy. my first prince..Muhammad Luqman.

He was 3.65 kg, 55 cm long. i’m not sure whether it was 65 cm or 55 cm. but he doesnt look that long to me. so i guess the nurses must have made a mistake while measuring him. maybe they were mesmerized by his cuteness… well, bare with me. which mother wouldnt say that her child is cute..hehehe…

14.4.08. exactly 7 days after my bday. and it was also the exact expected due date. it was monday morning. hubby was taking leave since we wanted to see Dr. R, what happened if i still dont deliver by monday. should we induce? should we do caesarian? i was getting restless. i just cant wait to deliver!!

that morning i felt a slight pain. very slight pain that i didnt think it was a contraction. a contraction must be more painful than this, i thot… so we went to see Dr. R at her private clinic. and when she checked me, altho there was no pain, it was already open like 5 cm!!! and still, i felt no pain. ok, go to the hospital now, i’ll be there soon, Dr. R said. so, we went home, get a few things, grabbed a bite and off we go.

i texted my friends and my sisters. called my mother, and cried…well, i was scared ok.. and by 12.30 pm, i was already in the labour room. since there’s no contraction, they had to drip me to induce the contractions. and the nurse is supposed to perform ‘artificial rupture of membrane’, which means break my water. but she couldnt do it cos my uterus was in ‘posterior’ position, a bit inclined to the back. so she had to wait for Dr. R. by this time, my contractions were coming every 5 mins or so.

Dr. R arrived and broke my water. when u feel the urge, u tell us, she said b4 leaving. maybe she didnt expect it to happen so soon, but my contractions began to come in full force. but Dr. R was not around!!! maybe she was out having lunch, or performing solat, i dun know, but they said Dr. R was on the way. wow! the waiting was such a torture! finally, Dr. R arrived and after a few pushings, the head can already be seen. with one final push, and the help of vacuum, Muhammad Luqman was borned at 2.44 pm.

They placed him on me, all covered with blood and i touched him…feeling so happy and relieved.

But as a friend said, cabarannya bukan masa beranak, tapi masa nak berjaga malam lepas tu.

And it is so true. it has been 20 days today. and enuff to say that getting 2 or 3 hours of sleep is already a luxury.

Sometimes hubby and i do shifts, but when he’s working the next day, i just didnt have the heart to wake him up. sometimes i fell asleep while Luqman is on my chest. lucky he didnt fall down. sometimes he just didnt sleep at all. i even cried on a couple of occasions when he just didnt wanna sleep and keep on crying that i just didnt know what to do. sometimes i woke hubby and left everything for him to handle while i just slept like a dead person cos i cudnt open my eyes anymore. the next thing i know, hubby is off to work and Luqman soundly sleeping.

so, this is parenthood. but we should be thankful cos Luqman is, at most times ez to handle. but i dun know what’s next to come. and i dun know know whether i’ll survive when i’ve started working later… and oh, i’ve already been transferred to the new dept, where i’ll be very bz…but that is another story.

i’m writing in great detail cos i dun want myself to forget the moments. i hope i’ll be able to cherish it always…

some pics of my baby..

 moments after birth…

 he’s one day old…

 budak botak..cukur rambut 7 hari.

 Luqman dah 2 minggu!!