People always say, two parents can take care of 10 children, but the 10 children might not be able to take care of their two parents when they’re old…

My dad complained of chest pain about 2 weeks ago. Not really chest pain, but his heart has been beating irregularly. So, he went to the JB hospital by himself and did ECG. Somehow the result shows that he has irregular heartbeat. And he might have missed a beat or 2. Hubby said it’s not something too serious cos heartbeat is generated from electrical signal travelling to cells in regular pattern. So, when there is a dead cell somewhere, the heart is not getting the signal back, resulting in a beat or 2 missed. (Or something like that la…that’s how I understood it…haha!)

So, the hosp arranged for him to go for stress test in a month’s time. It’s a govt hosp, and lotsa patient plus my dad’s is not too serious, so the waiting period is quite acceptable.

But my dad is not willing to wait. He’s worried about his condition, so he called up Sis No. 1, Kak Dah in KL. So Kak Dah is alarmed and asked Sis No. 3, Kak Ja to pick them up in JB since Sis No. 2, Kak Na has to attend a wedding in Ipoh and Kak Dah has 3 kids that she has to think of b4 traveling anywhere…so it’s quite difficult.

And the next Monday, they made appointment for him to see a cardiologist in this one specialist hosp in Amp@ng. After an ECG again…plus ultrasound imaging, he’s still unable to explain what’s wrong with my dad, saying that his ECG is normal. Yet, he suggest that my dad goes thru another test to see whether there’s any clog. But hubby said it’s unnecessary if there’s no indication from the ECG. This doctor is obviously trying to suck money out of his patients cos that procedure cost about 10k in the specialist hosp. And he’s not explaining anything to my sisters. Well, watch who u’re trying to con dr. cos my sisters are not stupid.

So, after discussing among themselves, they decided to bring dad to Putrajaya hosp since nowadays, u can straight away see the specialist if u can pay for it. So, after a series of ECG (again!) plus stress test, the dr. explained in great detail that my dad is actually in tip top condition. Mind u, he’s already 75 this year!!

But, since my dad still complained of chest pain, and occasional heartburn, the dr. suggested endoscopy. And he finds a small pimple like growth in his rectum. So, they’re doing biopsy on the sample. So, now my parents have to wait for another 2 weeks in kl which is something they really dread.

They worry about their house in JB, they’re not happy going up and down the stairs in my sis’s double storey and etc… But I slow talked to my mum saying that she has to be patient until the end of this ordeal. She wanted to stay in JB alone but it is something so unheard of and my sis would be mad if they hear her suggesting it.

Okay, all that done. Thanks to my efficient sisters. But I’m sad bcos…

1) I wanted to be there for my parents. But being heavy like now, hubby won’t let me go to KL alone. And he can’t go cos of his bz work and no one to take care of his Ma here. We can’t let Ma stay alone by herself.

2) My sisters are all bz working people. They constantly saying how tired and bz they are with this ordeal. But last time when I was staying in KL, I was always the one sending my parents here and there and I don’t think it’s tiring. And now they keep on saying that the children that my parents can rely on are only 3 children. Our elder brother in JB is like living in his own world, while another daughter is far away in Ipoh. Well, I feel sad. It’s not my choice. And they should know that if I were there, I would be happy to be the one sending them to those checkups…

3) There’s always an issue about who’s gonna send them to and fro KL to JB. They’re all old now. So the 3-hour journey is really taking its toll on them. It became so tiring. I used to be the one always sending my parents back, alone. And I never said a thing. And they never said a thing like ‘kesian A***, selalu dia kena hantar.’ They feel like it’s ok. But when they have to do it, they always pity each other. And saying that ‘nantilah kakak-kakak ko ni diskas sape nak kena hantar. masing2 sibuk’. I can only listen and feels so helpless…

4) I’ve made the plan to go back to JB next weekend. By making plans, I meant; rescheduling hubby’s locum and rescheduling my broinlaw’s clinic schedule and finding locum dr to replace him so that he can be free so that Ma can stay with them while we’re gone. SO now, since my parents has to stay in KL for another 2 weeks, Kak Na asked me to postpone my plan until after CNY so that I can send mum and dad back. But it is quite impossible. Cos we depend on a lot of people. And hubby is saying that it is unfair for other people to keep changing their plan to suit our needs. But, are they being fair? Is anybody being fair to me? When I try to explain to Kak Na, well, I feel guilty for not being able to contribute, yet again.

I always feel grateful for still having my parents around to call and cherish. But if they’re gone while I’m far away knowing that I haven’t done enough for them, how am I gonna live with myself…???