Alhamdulillah, we are given the opportunity, yet again to celebrate Ramadhan by Allah The Almighty, Insya Allah.

I always read about the speciality of Ramadhan. Yet, i never feel the need to grasp the opportunity to reap the benefits of this month. Until the last 2 years.

During boarding school years, we go to tadarus during daytime and terawih after berbuka. I was never good in fasting. If i fast, i would usually collapse during noon break and sleep in my school uniform. Then when i wake up, i would drag my feet to tadarus. During junior years, i haven’t learned the trick to skip tadarus. But when i was a senior, i always find excuses not to go. Especially towards the end of the month. Same goes with terawih. Never took the ibadah seriously except during exam years maybe.

Then, during A-Levels time, Ramadhan becomes even less significant. We would go to movies as usual. Go out on a date for berbuka and sahur, as if that’s what fasting all about. Ramadhan buffets are superb. U can eat till u drop for all they care. As if u can eat that much. Terawih and tadarus become memories of the school years. In fact, I’d feel relieved that terawih and tadarus are no longer imposed upon u. So dark was the life I lived in…

Then in univ, the same goes. But in 3rd year, my life takes a different turning. That Ramadhan I was sick with this kind of weird ‘illness’. So my parents took care of me in Kak Na’s house. I begin to feel ’something’ about Ramadhan. But the year after that, I had recovered. Still, i didn’t go to masjid for terawih. I only perform it at home, alone. Only this time around, I didn’t go out having fun during Ramadhan. I was single again at that time. So, there’s not many source of evil surrounding my life.

After graduation, i worked in ESB, a private engineering company. Ramadhan in ESB means going back earlier, after series of fight with my Chugoku boss about the needs of going to pasar Ramadhan to buy food for berbuka. At other times, we had to go outstation. Outstation in Ramadhan is really tiring. We were working in plants. Sometimes, when work runs late, we berbuka only at 9pm. Needless to say, there wasn’t time for terawih, let alone tadarus. In fact I’m not sure whether I even opened my precious Al-Quran at that time. Back in PJ, I would spend the nights watching tv. And wake up for sahur is not really necessary for me at that time. Sometimes I do, and at other times, I don’t.

Then, i joined the Service. The first Ramadhan I spent in service coincided with our 6-month course. Here, we had to go for tadarus and terawih. The difference is, I do it not because I had to, but because I want to. Even on weekends, when terawih is not necessary for us, I still come down to the surau. And i start reading the Al-Quran that I’ve left behind for so long. I was made the leader of my tadarus group, only to discover that I’ve lost my reading skills. And i felt so sad at that time.

And last year’s Ramadhan was the most meaningful so far. I had the encouragement from hubby (then my ’special’ friend) to go to terawih. With him being so far away, I need to do everything by myself. During the first two weeks, I performed terawih by myself. Then, I started going to masjid, alone. It was okay cos i found peace of mind there. And I had my daily dose of Al-Quran.

If I were to follow hubby’s suggestion last year, we wouldn’t have been married rite now. He had wanted to get married in October 2007. But another Ramadhan alone would just be too sad to endure. I wanna go to terawih with my husband, berbuka and bersahur with my husband. And celebrate Hari Raya with my husband. Don’t wanna be alone no more.

Alhamdulillah, it becomes reality. Insya Allah, this year I’m gonna dedicate more time for my tadarus (alone perhaps) to complete 30 juzuk by the end of this month. And I’m going to beat my hunger and not to mention nausea to fast 1 full month. And I’m also going to tarawih, this time with hubby, my pillar of strength.

To the few special people who frequent My Journey To Heaven, to the people who happen to be here, i wish u Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan. I pray that this Ramadhan brings u a lot of happiness as it brings me. I pray that we are given the hidayah to fill this month of barakah with amal ibadah for our happiness in this world and hereafter. Amin…