i used to have a best friend back in uni. a really close one. we used to do everything, go everywhere together. when we got back home we would talk for hours on the phone or chat online on the mirc. until one day we fell apart. i’m not sure how it happened or how i felt at that moment. but i remembered being so unforgiving. so hostile. so arrogant. as if i am so rite. as if she was so wrong. as if i am so great a person that by forgiving others it can bring my status down.

now i am on the other side of the coin. i am seeking forgiveness from my best friend. actually for something that i am not even sure is my fault. but never mind all that. the most important thing is that this tie wont be broken by just some stupid misunderstanding. but i am not anywhere near being forgiven. i tried calling, first not picked up. second call also not entertained. then yesterday, i gathered my courage to call again. but a hostile voice greeted me. i felt awkward. it’s impossible to talk when the other party on the line didn’t show any interest or even effort.

hi…are u still mad at me?

what do u think? pause… is there anything u want say?

pause..

i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. actually i thot that bla…bla…bla…(my explanation…)

okayla. i’m watching tv rite now…

oh okay..

line disconnected..

so..end of conversation. but i’m still not satisfied. so i sent a msg..

i’m so sorry. i nvr meant to hurt u. i feel miserable thnkg what i’ve done wrong. it takes me so long to call u. i don’t wanna say sthng wrong n hurt u even more. pls forgive me..

but no reply. well, if a tv show is more important than this…then what can i say.

so i’ll wait. like my friend used to wait for me. by now, i find no reason to be angry anymore. i can’t even remember what caused the anger in the first place. i feel like i’ve wasted a good friendship. we do see each other now and then but things won’t just be the same anymore..

but how about this situation i’m having now? what do i do next? i never wanted to severe any ties with anybody especially between muslims. but being so far away from kl, the best thing i could do is just to call and msg. the rest is up to her. i hope one day she can find it in her heart to forgive. not only me, but also other people that she thinks have done her wrong. just like we were able to forgive her when she did…